


i'm alright ('cause i have you here with me)

by wouldratherbe



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Hospitals, Language, Original Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray Child(ren), Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26610409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wouldratherbe/pseuds/wouldratherbe
Summary: I get that you’ve been Supermom and Superwife, but you cannot save everyone. You cannot save her from this. What youcando is go to your wife, hold her, and say goodbye.It's time to say goodbye.
Relationships: Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Comments: 16
Kudos: 62





	i'm alright ('cause i have you here with me)

**Author's Note:**

> based off a tweet.
> 
> title from 'feels like home' by edwina hayes.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. But this is how they knew it would end.

The doctor had given them a week. That was two weeks ago.

Between finding babysitters for Bryce and fighting Rachel’s doctors for more care, more surgeries, more _something, anything,_ Quinn was exhausted. But she couldn’t stop. She couldn’t let her wife, the love of her life, just sit there and wait for it all to end. She _wouldn’t_. Which is exactly what she told Dr. Bauerman, only to be told _again_ that Rachel was too weak for surgeries, her illness too unresponsive for harder treatment.

It didn’t help that Rachel kept telling her to slow down. That she’d made her sit all day last week only to _survive,_ like Quinn knew she would, and then proceeded to tell her to stop bothering the doctor. Quinn had just laughed, and started her long list of calls to other hospitals, figuring out which ones would take her.

None would. They said she wouldn’t survive the transport.

Quinn wanted to kill them all.

But that was a week ago. Rachel was a lot better a week ago, which is saying something. Bryce wasn’t scared of her a week ago. Their friends weren’t scared of her a week ago either, coming by to tell stories and have a pity party (complete with pizza) that just made Quinn feel like shit.

Now, they come by the hospital quietly, with partners or by themselves, hands folded and eyes bloodshot, waiting for news. They try to push Quinn into chairs and hand her Bryce, as if that’ll slow her down. Nothing is going to slow her down. Nothing except death. And, to be clear, she means her _own_ death. She has no intention of Rachel dying on her watch.

“Q, stop!”

Santana grabs her wrist, and Quinn shakes her off, heading straight to reception to find Dr. Bauerman.

“I can’t talk right now. I have to show Rachel’s doctor this profile that I found on this doctor in Switzerland who-”

“Quinn. _Quinn.”_ Santana reaches for her again, and this time she doesn’t let go. “Dr. Bauerman is in Rachel’s room. Bryce is saying goodbye. I think it’s time that you do, too.”

Her blood runs cold. “No, I’m not saying goodbye, because she is going to be okay. I will be going, though, because I need to give Dr. Bauerman this folder.”

“You _need_ to calm down, and realize that this is _happening._ It’s been happening for a year and a half now. And I get that you’ve been Supermom and Superwife, but you cannot save everyone. You cannot save Rachel from this. What you _can_ do is go to your wife, hold her, and say goodbye. Because we both know that’s all she wants right now. So... come on.”

“No,” she mutters, ignoring the looks the nurses are giving her. Fuck them.

“Quinn.”

“I can’t say goodbye. I _won’t.”_

Quinn hates the look Santana’s giving her. It’s full of pity, instead of the usual mix of annoyance and anger. She wants something to justify whatever is going on inside of her. She wants the usual fire to beat against her own. But all she gets is fucking _water._ Her flame is about to be put out.

The walk back to Rachel’s room is the longest walk of her life, and yet is over way too fast. Beth sits right outside, unable to look Quinn in the eye as she plays with the hem of her skirt. Rachel’s dads and Shelby are at her bedside, eighteen-month-old Bryce perched on her lap, chubby hands tentatively handing Rachel her flashcards. She’s hugging a teddy bear that Quinn doesn’t remember her ever having, but vaguely recalls the errand that Rachel sent Kurt on a couple months ago.

It ended with Kurt and Rachel wrapping seventeen years of gifts, the first one being a Build-A-Bear with a recording of Rachel talking in each of the limbs. Quinn had immediately despised the thing.

Santana and Kurt are there to take Bryce home, and everyone else left a few hours ago. Quinn’s mom and sister, her nephews, Rachel’s family, castmates, coworkers, old college friends, teachers, Mr. Schuester and most of the glee club, had been filtering in and out all week.

But now it’s just… family. It makes Quinn feel even worse. Like she’s expected to carry so much more grief if it’s only split between these seven people in this one room. And her load is slowly growing heavier.

Shelby kisses Rachel’s cheek, letting Rachel whisper something in her ear, before she pats her hair and says, “I know, baby girl. I love you.” And with that, she and Beth are gone. 

Santana and Kurt take a jovial Bryce out the door half an hour later, not even bothering to hide their tears as she shouts, “Bye-bye, Mama!” all the way out the door. Rachel spends another fifteen minutes after that pressing at her eyes, her mouth doing that horrible curling thing it does when she’s crying.

It isn’t until after her doctor comes in, asking her how she’s doing, that she calms, putting on a brave face. Her hand reaches for Quinn’s, and the blonde knows that she has a look in her eye. A look that says she’s going to tear this doctor limb from limb. She doesn’t promise that she won’t, but she does stay at Rachel’s bedside until the doctor finally leaves them alone again.

“Hey,” Rachel calls.

Quinn barely hears it, but she _does_ , and she realizes it’s the first word they’ve shared all day. But she and Rachel have never needed to talk. Her smile, her smug little smile, says it all.

 _I see you’ve finally calmed down,_ is what Quinn sees, but what Rachel’s mouth actually says is, “Come here. Please?”

Quinn is instantly tucked into Rachel’s side, chest shuddering with sobs. She’s vaguely aware of Rachel’s dads leaving with some thin excuse. She doesn’t care. She just wants to hold onto this fleeting moment.

“I don’t want you to go,” she blubbers, shaking her head as Rachel shushes her. “I don’t want you to go. _Please_ don’t go. I don’t want you to go.”

There’s a heavy hand on her head, moving slowly over her hair and back up. “I know. I know, love, I know. I know. I know… Quinn?”

“Hm?”

“I love you and Bryce so much.”

“We love you… Please don’t go.”

There’s a long, _long_ silence, and Quinn pulls her face out of Rachel’s neck, fear written all over her face. But Rachel’s just staring at her, the softest smile on her face. “I love you, Quinn.”

###### 

Dear Quinn,

If you’re reading this, it’s been a few weeks since Dr. Bauerman gave us his final word. Tell him thank you for me. I have attached a statement to be released to the press. Please don’t change too much of it.

In my fathers’ attic are gifts for every occasion for Bryce over the next eighteen years. Please don’t wait too long to visit them. I know you won’t, but please don’t. There are also birthday gifts for Beth. In case she’s anything like you, tell her that I love her, and she’s going to do amazing. There are letters for Bryce, along with her presents. Please don’t let her forget about me. Please don’t forget about me.

You know what I want to say, Quinn. You always know. But in case you forget. You are my everything, Quinn Fabray. You and our daughter. You are what makes this all so bearable. You have worked so hard. And I know you wouldn’t change a thing. But I want you to know that you can relax now. Slow down. Teach our daughter the things I taught you, and the things you taught me. Teach her that she is beautiful. Teach her that life is precious. Teach her that love goes on. And that it’s okay to let the light in. Teach her that I’m always with her. Tell her that she doesn’t need to live up to me, even if she continues to be my little clone.

Tell her our story. Don’t omit any of it, please. She deserves to know who we were. Tell her that I love her, every damn day. Tell her that I am so absolutely sorry that I can’t give her the world, like I planned.

And you.

Know that I just want you to be happy. That is all I want for you. I want you to love wholeheartedly, Quinn. I want you to love, and laugh, and live, and maybe don’t lock yourself in the house for days to write books. I won’t be there to remind you. You are not on your own, though. You’re never on your own.

Don’t think of me too often. An appropriate amount would be nice. If you wanted to get sad on my birthday, I guess that would be okay. As long as you remember to keep living. You’re doing it for the both of us, my friend.

Love,  
Rachel

**Author's Note:**

> I have unresolved issues lmao
> 
> comment and leave kudos if you want!! thanks for reading xx


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